I think the greatest amount of insecurity in my life comes from the transition periods. When I was turning into an adolescent between the phase of clinging to my parents’ legs and the listening to whatever my sister said, I started to become even more naive than before. The knowledge I kept wasn’t always the knowledge I needed. People bullied me back then and I couldn’t see the fairness in it. I was such a little runt all things considered. Always pulling pranks and being disobedient. Trusting the wrong people only got easier.

Then, when I started getting a little older between the ages of too young to drink and just old enough to (kind of) think, I felt like I was set up for success with all my gifts and such. You learn to get more appreciative at this age because things you once had don’t show up anymore or at least not as often. Nostalgia becomes a valuable tool in reminding you who you are, or at least reminding you of who you were. We like to acknowledge what went right, but our cringiest moments are just as solidified so don’t get cocky.

When you mature into a young adult, you don’t really mature at all. See, I learned that adults are way bigger f-ups than children. If children could have infinite money and power, yes they would destroy the world. I bet if you gave all the adults that same power, they would find a way to destroy it faster. I don’t trust adults, but I trust older kids at least with themselves. I didn’t trust myself enough when I was coming of age. I always thought I was on the wrong route when I was just navigating uncharted territories.

I always wanted to lead the path instead of following it, but little did I knew few would follow behind. In high school, my friend group and relationships were much more small than my peers. I started to realize that being a leader of nothing was like being the follower of everything. I never really matured past that part, so these days I feel like an adult who feels the need to stay relevant as much as a teenager who uses their phone to replace socializing or maturing. Like I told my friend, a phone isn’t a toy but there are toys on your phone. Being an adult is really about having a bigger toy box that you don’t get to play with anymore. Hot wheels cars that once symbolized what we wanted from our adulthood became the centerpiece of our childhood.

What we really trade off for maturity is not naivety or childishness, but just the time we would have spent doing something else. We don’t have to wait for someone to tell us what to do to have fun, we mever did. We bring that energy everywhere and call it our comfort zone. We trade away the things we need sometimes to just feel comfortable where we were. What we really need to trade to succeed is the energy we saved for the results we need now. No point waiting for the results to come to you.