Tag: blog

  • Anger is healthy

    Anger is healthy

    Anger isn’t a bad thing. It is a messenger, much like the other emotions. Somewhere in that anger is hurt, pain, or grief. We don’t always experience the hurt before the anger, or the grief before we lash out. Maybe we should.

    Anger, or even angst, makes such good material for emotional music (emo). Images conveyed in it are so explicit, they even make murder rap seem tame. Part of that comes with the confrontation that it adds. Murder rap has a lot of elements of fear, but angsty music or even emo rap is more about the very difficulty with existing. It is more relatable to the common audience, cause how many of us actually murdered before or plan to? Don’t answer that. Also, murder isn’t an emotion. I think those murder rappers need to feel so they can heal, but who am I to change them?

    Emo music has its own downsides, like I mean seriously. Get over it, right? Well, I think there is something beautiful about finding the borderline between what we can and cannot handle. There is some grief on the other side of what we cared to handle but we could not. It is like breaking an arm or tendon because we wished to push our limits only to find us falling back down again.

    “So scared of breaking it, that you won’t let it bend. I wrote two hundred letters I will never send.” – Maroon 5. Is Maroon 5 emo? I had a little debate with some of my musically inclined coworkers. They said SZA is emo. I was aghast. Emo is like Paramore and stuff, right? No, they’re punk rock? Then what’s emo? If it is screamo, I don’t like it.

    Anyways, anger and emo music is like butter and toast. The emo music is the toast that you spread the anger upon. It is the foundation for what symbology you wish to let out without hurting yourself or others when you wish you could. Murder music just seems like a confession. I gotta stop talking about murder music lol, but I got murder on my mind (C).

    The point is: Anger is healthy. Use it as fuel. Resentment is healthy. It serves to tell us what we still haven’t forgiven. If you really believe in holiness, you would know that you must repent sometimes because you have pent up sin that wants to be let out in a healthy way. If you never do, the sin grows until it controls you. You don’t have to be Christian to see that.

    “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain.

  • D Log

    You ever just get speechless? Wordless? Can’t even utter a sound? That is me right now. I can’t figure out what I was doing. It’s like someone just dropped me off the Fortnite bus. What next then?

    Can’t be sure what to feel. Reminiscing puts me down and fantasizing keeps me up. Reality is there in the middle, and I am orbiting around it.

    Where is the gravity taking me? I am in free fall, and there is no ground to speak of. Somehow, I worry. There is a crash waiting to be had, into a wall, the sun, something. There is a dull echo, but I can’t find the source. It must be the thoughts in my own head.

    Should I chase it? Am I being beckoned or lured? Should I trust those thoughts?

    Am I flying too far off the ground? I thought that’s what I wanted wings for. Now I just hope these wings can help me land safely. I will never forget the wind that gave me a lift. The air I breathe, I feel suffocated if it is only my own. I want to breathe his again.

  • ArcGIS and Birds at Branch Brook Park

    This blogpost doubles as a dynamic and ongoing project towards creating visual birding data for those who wish to bird at Branch Brook Park, and hopefully you peeps will also like the tidbit here about how and why I am doing this.

    So basically, I want to be an environmental consultant and this is how I am leveraging my skills. As you can tell, I like working with computers. This blogpost ain’t a newspaper clipping after all. Using computers to do useful things has always been a desire of mine albeit stuffed out by my inclination to game at my computer for half the day.

    Environmental consulting is the practice of working with environmental lawyers, the government or officiating bodies, and the people who wish to create infrastructure or buildings on habitable land for animals or flora. The consultant insures that through data collection and review or analysis that the action being done by the party should be safe or non-intrusive to the habitats of endangered or protected species. It may involve studying flight patterns, measuring populations, or using other data to make conclusions about the potential effects of the action in question.

    Nonetheless, it is quite a cool job in my humble opinion. Who else do you know has said they wanted to be an environmental consultant?

    Anyways, enjoy this little ongoing project as I try to enhance my own skills in the program of ArcGIS as well as provide substantial resources for birding in my favorite local park.

  • The Unit of Life

    The Unit of Life

    Ever pondered? Been ponderous? Seen something lately? Apologies to the blind readers listening to this in audio to text, but I know you’ve been listening.

    Just to sate my desire to get to the bottom of the roots of life and consciousness (which may be the underlying root of this entire blog), there is a good list of probable causes to the attributes of life forming and how they operate. This is also an early trigger warning for those with a deep phobia of conjecture.

    Deep down the roots of the kingdoms, phyla, all throughout the generations are little nutrient sucking pores that let into their cavities the building blocks of life and organic matter. In simpler terms, something makes these living things alive. I will cut right to the biological modern understanding- it (the being) has to satisfy these conditions:

    • Able to reproduce (sexually/asexually)
    • Grows and develops
    • Shows behavior
    • Is made up of units of life called cells
    • Metabolizes
    • Keeps itself in conditional balance
    • Capability for mutation

    Now, trained biologists are going to have some gripes with the wording here, but I have some gripes with how we latched onto the past and I can put it all aside for the sake of layman clarity. We can just assume that based on the current understanding of biology we have, some argue a virus isn’t alive because it doesn’t display all the criteria. Some argue a vacuum is alive. We can each die on our own hills.

    So now, assuming each cell is alive, does that mean they share the consciousness? Perhaps it is just the signal that each moment could possibly bring, and then when that moment activates the detectors, that signal has a possible speed of reaching conduction. It can’t be that simple, because why is the detector even machinated at all? What is holding it all together?

    The unlikelihood for all the interstitial space in a cell to be occupied with these near perfect machines for maintaining a factorial approach to simple collisions of stellar bodies is a doozy.

    We all just want to simplest reason for why there’s cells at all. We want there to be a method to the madness and something there to pull the strings. I think, and I have been thinking, that it truly just may be a lot of chance and incident detection. I think that coincidence is simply our brain putting together the stored detection with the real-life detection, which at that point may very well be regarded with “reality”. Life transcends beyond that though, because the generations spawned us, not just the “reality”.

    One of the grand cues of how there may be a link between intention and evolution comes from the will to have a baby with another. It’s wholly unlikely for a human to have another human and then take zero care for it and watch it take care of itself like a precocial little sea turtle. No, babies are useless. Their intentions seem to get them all killed, all in the name of curiosity.

    Each surviving baby with the possibility to raise another baby automatically becomes the present “reality” that another living baby has to interact with. It’s like they arrived from incidence into detection. This very real existence is then a subject of differentiation from the rest of the crowd, and becomes an individual. Hmm, uncontrolled populations, let’s not dwell on that.

    Then, there’s the guardians of the body or cell that seem to protect it from harm. It can be the shell of the cell or even the fluid that fills it. So much work goes on in even little bacterium, due to the amount of genetic information stored and expressed. It’s like a pilot with all the food and water they need connected to a pee tube so it never has to move. That bountiful nature of a cell can be rewarding, and perhaps the mitochondria were captured, or better yet they held an agreement that lasts to this day. Do the modern generation remember what it was like millions of years ago, or is that just instincts?

    I don’t want to end on another question, so I have some conclusive feeling that I will rest on. I think and feel that what denotes living itself is the ability to move with the present as it carries you, but you get to push the buttons once the buttons become pressable.

  • Catholic Crow

    Catholic Crow

    Imagine there was a saint for whom it represented the coming of age for a youth through the correction of sexuality.

    Now there’s nothing wrong with expressing your sexuality, hyper straight or whatnot, but keeping it true requires solidification and adjudication.

    Think of how the church would go wild for this sort of conversion idea.

    They’d dedicate a church.

    Too bad it’s been done before.

    Not the first priest to come out the tabernacle.