H. Crow

Category: Angry

Rants and other debaucles that detail how mad a person becomes when faced with challenges, trivial or otherwise.

  • Anger is healthy

    Anger is healthy

    Anger isn’t a bad thing. It is a messenger, much like the other emotions. Somewhere in that anger is hurt, pain, or grief. We don’t always experience the hurt before the anger, or the grief before we lash out. Maybe we should.

    Anger, or even angst, makes such good material for emotional music (emo). Images conveyed in it are so explicit, they even make murder rap seem tame. Part of that comes with the confrontation that it adds. Murder rap has a lot of elements of fear, but angsty music or even emo rap is more about the very difficulty with existing. It is more relatable to the common audience, cause how many of us actually murdered before or plan to? Don’t answer that. Also, murder isn’t an emotion. I think those murder rappers need to feel so they can heal, but who am I to change them?

    Emo music has its own downsides, like I mean seriously. Get over it, right? Well, I think there is something beautiful about finding the borderline between what we can and cannot handle. There is some grief on the other side of what we cared to handle but we could not. It is like breaking an arm or tendon because we wished to push our limits only to find us falling back down again.

    “So scared of breaking it, that you won’t let it bend. I wrote two hundred letters I will never send.” – Maroon 5. Is Maroon 5 emo? I had a little debate with some of my musically inclined coworkers. They said SZA is emo. I was aghast. Emo is like Paramore and stuff, right? No, they’re punk rock? Then what’s emo? If it is screamo, I don’t like it.

    Anyways, anger and emo music is like butter and toast. The emo music is the toast that you spread the anger upon. It is the foundation for what symbology you wish to let out without hurting yourself or others when you wish you could. Murder music just seems like a confession. I gotta stop talking about murder music lol, but I got murder on my mind (C).

    The point is: Anger is healthy. Use it as fuel. Resentment is healthy. It serves to tell us what we still haven’t forgiven. If you really believe in holiness, you would know that you must repent sometimes because you have pent up sin that wants to be let out in a healthy way. If you never do, the sin grows until it controls you. You don’t have to be Christian to see that.

    “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” -Mark Twain.

  • Dread

    I feel a wave of dread flush over me. It isn’t a fictional telling, just a perspective. When I imagine a flock of birds flying up in the sky, I imagine skyscrapers and small birds colliding with them. Large birds too, like geese, swans. I imagine at least less than there used to be. At least hundreds at some point. Maybe this was inevitable, so all I can do is move away or turn my head. It puts me into a pigeon-hole.

    Conservation shouldn’t be this difficult, but the pigeon-hole is just the hole the pigeon can make a hole for itself. We navigate around each other, and I would say orbit, but this requires space we don’t always have. That skydiver who didn’t clear the bridge, but has done it for years. When we fail to take the right spaces, the spaces take you.

    It feels good to submit to sleep sometimes, knowing maybe I will show back up tomorrow. Sometimes I dread going to sleep because I know I won’t like tomorrow. Every day can’t be perfect, but we imagine perfection like we have already seen it. Since nothing is going to surprise us, surprises are just new world views we can’t deny. The truth can get stale if we know it won’t change.

    Even your favorite foods might change one day. What stops you from changing your favorite color?

  • Just Better

    There’s gotta be something inherently wrong with thinking you’re better than someone. That’s what they tell you, but then why do we hold competitions at all? We can still be friendly while trying to overpower each other. As long as everyone agrees to it, how could it be wrong? I think what I have a problem with isn’t when someone is more proficient or consistent, it’s when they challenge me to prove myself when they have not proved their own willpower.

    You can be the best at something at people wouldn’t know it. Everytime you walk into a crowd of people, one of you is the tallest, shortest, dumbest, smartest, healthiest, sickest, oldest, youngest (are those words?) and that’s just a fact of the matter. That doesn’t mean the tallest always gets the girl or the cutest gets the guy. People are willing to change the rules of the game to be more inclusive, but if not then good luck.

    See, this is why we each have standards. We know what we excel in and what holds us back. What we did yesterday may not cut it today. The novice needs to hone the fundamentals and an expert must stay practiced. To deny that is to refuse the identity that is awarded to you by others when you meet the requirements to a certain image. You might think you are beautiful, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You could keep looking at your reflection in the water, or you could watch the fish. One thing is for certain, is that the fish see you differently than you see you.

    So how do we get better? Does it mean we must chase the shadow of another to take their thunder? That we must extinguish others’ flames to shine brighter? Do we even have to shine at all? No, no, and yes. If we were to judge ourself on a metric, let’s say artistic ability, and we were to draw a circle, that circle should look like a representation of our ability. If we were to judge ourselves on our ability to draw a perfect circle, it wouldn’t be much more different. The difference is like squares and rectangles, you may be able to draw a perfect circle, but you could be a poor caricature artist. The point is what are we going to define ourselves *with* rather than a real measure of who we are. Facts mean nothing without opinions, that’s why I hate it when people showboat without thw facts to prove it. Toxic masculinity or something, but anyways, who are you better than, and at what?

  • Moms

    I hate my mom. She is always smoking in her room and that cigarette smoke chokes me up. I got back into smoking weed because of her.

    But hey, at least she smokes with me outside here and there.

    I hate my mom, always making her own life worse and telling me to fix mine. What a hypocrite, and she has the nerve to raise her voice when telling me to lower hers.

    But hey, at least I know where I got it from.

    I hate my mom, she always makes me feel like shit whenever I want to show her something nice like a funny video or something I am working on. It is like she doesn’t give a damn if I want to follow my passions.

    But hey, at least I know where I got my critical eye from.

    I hate my mom. She used to be so religious and went to church everyday it felt like. She would always go on about how God comes first and family second. No wonder I felt like I always came second.

    But hey, I kinda miss when she used to be reverent because she used to have timely schedules.

    I hate that my mom is stuck in bed rotting away.

    I hate that I do the same.

    I wonder if I am angry at her,

    or angry at my name.