H. Crow

Blogposts

  • Lifted Spirits

    They say when you are down that you just need to lift your spirit. Yup, all I need to do is raise a shot and I feel much better. No, they mean something else. Pick yourself up off the floor. Stop dragging your feet. Lift your chin up. It’s like being someone who not only knows they reached a low, but you gotta be the same person to pull yourself out of it. It’s a lot of responsibility.

    If you want to wallow in your misery, there’s always a place for it. Like imagine, you’re sad and tired. So sad. So tired. If only you could be asleep, but you’re so tired you’d rather be permanently asleep. You’re too sad to be permanently asleep,then you can’t get any sleep. No sleep for a sleepyhead like you. You must be so sad and tired.

    See, wallowing is pitiful at best. No point in stating the obvious, so might as well just get to doing things that make you happy. Just don’t get carried away. Don’t smoke every time you are sad, and don’t sleep every time you are tired. Your body gives you signals and cravings, but not all of them are in your best interest. Just look at how most relationships go, lead through the mist into a hall of smoke and mirrors, or at least that’s how it went with my ex (haha).

    So yeah, don’t lift that glass tonight. Lift that soul inside your chest. Tell ’em what you came here for. Give them a show. Evoke the change you want to see. Sow your dreams into the soil, and don’t let the plants wilt. Be the sunshine that lights up the world.

  • Petals

    Spring has brought the trees something to wear again: pinkish white petals that litter the concrete. You don’t see too many in the air, but it still looks covered in petals like polka-dots. The rain has been in often too. I like thinking about where the rain goes as it seeps into the ground. Maybe that’s how worms know when it is raining, the moisture calls to them.

    Birds keep singing all through the night. I hear them when I go singing at three in the morning. I wonder why they decide to chirp so late, and if they get good sleep. I always wondered why we all need to sleep. Why the trees lose their leaves. Why some do things others wouldn’t. I feel like at least with the leaves part, it would feel less emotional to let go and more like the relaxation required to excrete waste. Maybe it is like a haircut.

    Feeling what it’s like to be a plant has got to be a novel experience we have not been able to replicate. I bought the Plantwave once and I feel like it was such a waste. I thought the technology would have some pizazz, but it only played random sounds from a certain list of sounds when voltage was felt above a threshold. It did not measure or respond to varying levels of voltage, so it felt like a scam. Nonetheless, it is interesting that they do have that sort of sensation. Sing to your plants, I heard birdsong makes plants grow.

  • Spring

    Oh, I love Spring. The trees start blooming into beautiful colors. Animals and plants get busy doing what they do after hibernation. Only downside to watch out for is pollen surges. Did you know that pollen surges and a subsequent rise in allergies over the last several years was induced by the introduction of MALE trees for decoration instead of a proper balanced mix of the sexes. That’s why there’s so much pollen, as my sibling would call it, it is tree sperm!

    Enough horrifying imagery. Spring is when we have the saying “Spring Cleaning”. Personally, I don’t engage in this Spring activity too frequently, usually just once or twice I will clean my room more thoroughly. It does feel better to have a clean house though, and I feel like it’s the high production outside that leads to production inside.

    On my nightly walks, pink little petals litter the ground and it looks so nice. There’s a lot of cherry blossoms in my area. It is an introduced species however, and I know ecologists are not a fan because it can disrupt the ecosystem. I get it, and I feel similarly about house sparrows, but they are so cute! Nonetheless, beauty is everywhere you look, up or down in Spring. I heard a lot of parties going on during my walk and that was at 3 AM. Gotta love central Americans and their relentless fiestas.

    Spring is also the time for migrating bird species to reach my parks. You got the warblers, grackles, parulas, etc. who can’t wait to sing. Imagine riding on the back of a bird during that journey. I wonder what goes through their heads to tell them where to go, or is it communicated to them by their kin? My nightly walks lead to a dead-end and it makes me wonder if that barrier wasn’t there between the street and the park, would I keep going?

    Spring into action this spring. Gotta visit those parks and hiking trails. Play some sports with homies. Go outside to read, even if it is just on your phone. Get a little sweaty, donate some moisture to the clouds above. Also, get ready for the burning sun to come. It goes from a blanket of sunshine to searing rays quite quick. Anything beats the cold for me. Cold or heat, which would you choose?

  • Mind Corruption

    I was thinking about the thoughts we come up with first thing in the morning. There’s been nobody to tell us new information since the last we woke up, but we still may have new ideas. Some of those ideas may be no good. Our mind is so powerful, it may even overpower ourselves.

    Our thoughts may be simmering in our brain juices over night so then it gives it more flavor. Our dreams that we wake up from must be the timer that tells us when we are all done. It may be what tells us we can’t sleep anymore and if we did, our brain is going to overcook.

    I was also thinking about health bars like in video games. Do we each have a hidden health percentage, like am I 100% healthy right now or is the fact that my nose gets congested when I sit up a certain way a sign that I am at least 99% or below. Maybe if I was fully well, then nothing would stop me from doing my humanly activities. It could be the limit of our potential hidden from us until we feel sick, and we know that we could feel better. It could also be a sign that we need to take care of ourselves or seek some assistance.

    Many sick people don’t turn to others for help. It’s not too bad a strategy considering that’s how sickness spreads. Maybe that’s how it feels with mental illness too, don’t want to spread it to others. Does that mean that depression and sour moods are more contagious than something like autism? Autism and other variations may just be evidence of other kinds of human formats. There’s the tall kinds, the wide kinds, and even the stupid smart kinds. When we fall out of shape, our body tries to reform itself. It subconsciously knows you better than you know yourself. That’s why you have to listen to your body sometimes, and if it says to sleep in another ten minutes, you should get that sleep.

    Don’t always listen to your body. We all can imagine some time or another that it went wrong. For me, ten more minutes of sleep probably felt like it saved my life, but it wouldn’t save my job. Plus, ten minutes is not enough. It is like cooking, my body is a different wattage than the suggested instructions, so my cooking/sleeping times are different.

    Maybe there’s a trend between certain health factors and how much sleep you get. We know it works in reverse where how much sleep you get can lead to health conditions, but don’t those maladies also lead to a shift in sleep?

    Perhaps my addictions themselves may not lead to a lack of sleep, because for some caffeine or THC lead to better sleep. For me, it is the complete opposite. I stay up until the late hours of morning, past all the birdsong. They give me a burst of energy that makes me ignore anything my body craves. Addiction is a strong force, and it glues you past the substance, it glues you to yourself. What worse torture than that?

  • Sleep v. Rest

    I need to get more sleep, or at least it needs to feel more fulfilling. Some nights like the last, I will have a bedtime around 5 to 6 AM. Other days I can manage at 4 AM. If only my mom didn’t make do much noise at 5 AM, but to be fair it’s all on me because I could just sleep at 12 AM if I let my body.

    It is a drag to have to wake up for a deadline or work when it would spike your performance with just “five more minutes!” Those five minutes are usually why I am fifteen minutes late to work.

    I can’t get why I wake up in random positions. We can record ourselves sleep via audio these days, but few people actually record a video of our sleep. It would be convenient to have the camera crew in my bedroom just to watch me sleep. I would probably be more inclined to finally go to bed on time, like “the camera crew comes in at 11 PM so I need to shower and look good by 10:40 PM,” you know, stuff like that.

    These days, it always feels like there is something to think about that feels better avoided. Like what we plan to do with our lives or whether that relationship is going to pan out. Thinking in 2025 is a scam. It was good like 10 years ago, but the diminishing returns are ruthless. It feels so much better to watch and listen to the little birds outside my window. I don’t think I need thought to enjoy that.

    -H. Crow

  • Ego-Crushing

    Ego-crushing. You may already know what this word I made up means, but for those who don’t know, it is when someone (usually a guy) has a crush on someone because it could go well, but they deny the love because of their inflated ego. It is like an undeserved rejection, because they would be great together if one of them wasn’t such a prick. Sometimes the crush progresses though, and others fade away. What doesn’t change is the habit.

    What is the habit? It is the repeated excuse-making for not getting together. It’s like cheating before even getting together. They can’t imagine having their cake and eating it too. Happiness is unheard of to them. They will try to find love, sure. It can’t be with their crush, because then it acknowledges what they deny. It is funny, because the crush will even make it obvious they may or may not like them too, but the folly is in the ego as it needs outright confirmation. This is yet another excuse protested by the egomaniac.

    The cure? Put that boldness where your mouth is, or stare down into the abyss. Either way, you have to face yourself some day.

    -H. Crow

  • Moms

    I hate my mom. She is always smoking in her room and that cigarette smoke chokes me up. I got back into smoking weed because of her.

    But hey, at least she smokes with me outside here and there.

    I hate my mom, always making her own life worse and telling me to fix mine. What a hypocrite, and she has the nerve to raise her voice when telling me to lower hers.

    But hey, at least I know where I got it from.

    I hate my mom, she always makes me feel like shit whenever I want to show her something nice like a funny video or something I am working on. It is like she doesn’t give a damn if I want to follow my passions.

    But hey, at least I know where I got my critical eye from.

    I hate my mom. She used to be so religious and went to church everyday it felt like. She would always go on about how God comes first and family second. No wonder I felt like I always came second.

    But hey, I kinda miss when she used to be reverent because she used to have timely schedules.

    I hate that my mom is stuck in bed rotting away.

    I hate that I do the same.

    I wonder if I am angry at her,

    or angry at my name.

  • Days

    Yesterday, the blog did not go live. Turns out that it is just a bit more work until it is ready. Like the introduction of TeamSpeak (a popular voice chat program between the ages of Skype and Discord), it probably is confusing to use at first but then it just becomes a groove to fit into. Life is kinda like that too, because we can’t plan out each day with nearly as much certainty as we want per year. If we want to go skydiving before the next year, it feels pretty easy. Worse comes to worst, it will just be a birthday celebration. Planning to skydive right now or even just today is not so simple. Some things need to be planned ahead, even if it seems like it needs to be done immediately. Not to say that we should all procrastinate on everything.

    Anyways, I need to finish this blog, or at least the starting steps. Currently struggling with a good domain. Also, I do not know how WordPress really works. I don’t know what Bluehost does and I spent a couple hundred for it to stick around 3 years. [Editor’s note: I kinda like it given this is my first time with a site-builder, and I caught on within the first two days as a complete beginner.] Either way, gotta plan stuff out just like I plan for this whole blog to stick around at LEAST 3 years. Pretty daunting task; it sounds like over 1000 days of blogging. I see some channels struggle to stay consistent for 100 days or even 30 days. Guess I have a lot on my plate.

    If I take it day by day, it’s like choosing what food to eat daily. I choose what to write each day like a meal. The cravings might dictate how I feel and what I want, like what kind of genre or category I’d want to write. Maybe it is a lament, rant, poem, or who knows. We won’t know and I definitely don’t know, but what I do know is that I know that I know a lot. Because I know what I know, I know that what I know is no no-no, just no nonsense, and who knows better than you, you know?

    [Mini rant: plus they make it so hard to start this website stuff. You pay for services and they scare you with a free domain. I don’t know if I even confirmed the right domain or not because they gave me a temporary one and I tried switching to the one I wanted but then I deleted it because it was not working. There is no SSL certification and I don’t even know what it all means and I am like… ugh, tomorrow or something.]

    [H. Crow figured it out later that day, sorta.]

    -H. Crow

  • Birth of a Blog

    H. Crow American Crow picture.

    At the dawn of time, much happened. For some, it was the beginning of all. For me, it was when I was born. Either way, today marks the birth of a blog and today, April 9th, 2025 is its birthday. In all honesty, the blog part I haven’t started yet, but this writing was done in the morning like I said I would [to myself]. I plan to make a story or post every morning and another at night if necessary. Why a blog of all things? Well, it is no random event. I am what they call a ‘yapper’. It means I can’t shut up. Whether I would be going a mile a minute in my head or on a keyboard, it was never a choice at all. After all, I just woke up.

    Sure, I might even plug in my friends as little advertisements and also any other people who want a little more reach. I might put a song for one or each of the notes that reflects how I felt writing it. I may even get a little technical with the webpage. Truthfully, I just hope people enjoy the content. When I think of successful webpages, I think Neopets, Newgrounds, Homestuck, and even Tumblr. To think ANYONE clicked on this post and got this far is insane to me, and I wouldn’t believe it is true. Well, I hope you enjoy it because I hope I enjoy the process for the rest of this little show’s shelf life. I hope you enjoy my grammar and punctuation too, and don’t be afraid to point out inconsistencies. I am sure I can make minor adjustments for better readability. Nonetheless, it is today that I do all the hard work to follow guides and tutorials on how to start my first webpage so wish the person in between this post and the next some luck, cause he probably needs it.

    -H. Crow